So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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