it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
