He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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