I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
