I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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