The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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