the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
