my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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