I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
