you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize