So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
