I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
