just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
