I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
