Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
