I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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