I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
