Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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