God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
