I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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