She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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