we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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