So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
