Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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