This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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