She tied me up with her honor cords...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
