hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize