Four minutes until I can fart!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
