im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
