Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I party with great urgency now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
