I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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