If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize