woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Blood and glitter go together right?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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