I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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