How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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