i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
