thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
