Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
40s are totally the cure
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
