Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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