wrigley field is MILF paradise
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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