did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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