I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize