i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
