Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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