Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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