i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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