$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
