your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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