Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
