Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
