I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
