Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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