When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
