where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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