It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
