Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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