My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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