i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
