I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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