yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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