I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
