Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You've changed since you got that strap on
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
