Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
