wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
