I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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