I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
