3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
