I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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