i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
