My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize